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Letting Go of the Past

Letting go is simply making a decision – no longer to allow something from the past to influence your life now or to reduce your inner sense of peace and well-being. So all we need to do is to let go of the beliefs and attitudes that prevent us from experiencing the joy of the moment. The problem comes in  identifying exactly what that means; we have so many beliefs that prevent us from being in the here and now, from being content and peaceful within.

Life Purpose

What would you like to change in your personal life?  

What dreams are you aspiring to, but hold back from doing because of a past belief or set of circumstance which causes negative thinking for you?

What are you holding onto that you know is not for you anymore? 

What relationship has troubled you?

What big change are you avoiding? Are you feeling more comfort in unhappy familiarity rather than delving into unknown territories? 

What career changes, perhaps even a total change of direction, could bring about more satisfaction? 

It’s time to let go of the past, to release that which no longer serves our growth, and to rebuild upon a new foundation.  We are all healers, and this is a great opportunity to transform our lives in a way that will nourish our soul.

We need not be guilty of creating a life of happiness.  There is no need to hurt those who have limited us in freeing ourselves.  And, in some cases, we may need to break free from a career, a job, a relationship, or even family in order to create the life we want.  However, most letting go is not usually burning a bridge, but often letting go is an inside job:  letting go might mean changing our belief pattern, a way we process emotion, or how we view life.

It is important to take inventory of our positives and negatives prior to ever making a decision to let go of the past.  I recommend getting out a notebook and writing these lists down.

Who and what is affecting us positively?  Who and what is affecting us negatively?  If a person, job, or family member -- even a lover -- is putting us down frequently, then we may be wise to address the issue with them and/or either create change in that relationship or distance ourselves from them.  

One way to let go of the past is to remove or revise our expectations that created conflict... 

Letting Go Of The Past 

Healing Without Hate 

“Healing Without Hate:  How to Forgive to Live,” is a ten step process that will help you become free to let go of the past and live the life that is intended for you.  It has always been my belief that everyone was placed on this earth for a purpose.  It is important for one to find out what their meaning in life is, so they can develop their message and then ultimately carry out their mission (purpose).  How can you grow as a person or a business if you don’t know what your purpose is?

I learned to love others unconditionally and  began to put into place and practice steps, to help my life become victorious and not to remain a victim.  I have used the following steps to increase both my business and professional life in overcoming issues of the past.

Step 1:  Prayer.  I pray for those who have hurt or abused me, and I pray for guidance.  I have also learned it is very difficult to hate someone that you are praying for. 

Step 2:   Counsel.  I reached out and received help when I realized I needed it.

Step 3:  Confront.  At the proper time, I went to those I had harmed or had harmed me individually and confronted them and how they had effected my life.  We must learn to confront the people in our lives that have hurt us or that we have hurt.

Step 4:  Release.  Once I confronted my past and my pain, I then had to learn to let it go.

Step 5:  Forgive.  Forgiving is a big step in the healing process.  We must also face whether we have “pardoned” someone with complete forgiveness or “paroled” them, where the forgiveness has conditions. 

Step 6:  Attitude.  You must have an attitude of gratitude for the good things in your life while you are going through the healing process.  Do not concentrate on just the negative.  It’s very difficult to be depressed when you are counting your blessings.

Step 7:  Joy.  It is a decision to have joy on the inside while you experience happiness on the outside (circumstances around you).

Step 8:  Goals.  You must write down what you want to accomplish.  If you don’t it will just be a dream.  No one plans to fail, they just fail to plan.

Step 9:  Give.  No matter where you are in life, there’s always someone that could use your help.  Reach out and help someone with your time and or resources.

Step 10:  Live Life Now.  Don’t wait until tomorrow because tomorrow is not promised to you.

It is my firm belief that if we make up our minds that we are not going to let the past control our future, we can learn to break down the walls of hurt and pain that hinder us from forgiving others and living fulfilled lives personally and professionally.  Holding on to pain and hatred causes anger and bitterness.  Anger and bitterness cause stress and anxiety, these emotions can cause a variety of other health problems.  I know that it is possible to embrace happiness, experience joy, and have success.  The choice is truly up to you!

Letting Go Of The Past To Re-Parent The Self

Inside every individual exists a powerful capacity for healing and transformation—to stand up for the true self. To accomplish this we have to free ourselves from the past story. When we release old hurts, we grow from that suffering and learn to recognize happiness. In other words, we let go to hold more! If the past has been painful, we must stop reliving it, playing the part of the victim in the story over and over again. Every time we relive a memory, especially a past argument, or an old hurt, we keep it alive in our spirits and in our bodies. For example, when I think about an argument I had with a friend many years ago, my heart will race, my face will flush and my stomach will tense up as though it were happening now. Not everyone is fortunate to have loving parents who are perfect and reasonable, like on TV.

Some of us were physically and mentally abused as children. Some of us were neglected and emotionally abandoned as children. Therefore it is time to change the story and re-parent the self! We are no longer children who are economically and physically dependent on our parents. We had no choice as a child, but we do now…

When we re-parent the self, we send a message to the mind and body that we are worth it, that we are special and that we deserve love. When a child is abused, he or she lives in a dark place where there is no room to breathe or feel. This child grows up lacking self-esteem, feeling worthless and always looking for approval from parents and outside sources. Often the abuse experienced in childhood gets repeated in adult life using different characters: a lover, a boss or even a so-called friend. The adult continues to play the victim, hardly ever assuming responsibility for failures. “The boss doesn’t like me,” “My wife demands things I can’t afford,” “My co-worker set me up.”

Therefore in order to break the cycle, one has to shed the past story and create the present story. In the new story the abused child is determined not just to survive, but to thrive. He or she assumes responsibility for actions, is committed to health and fitness, and finds the way to realize limitations while cultivating capabilities. Easier said than done? Well, saying it and thinking it is a good beginning. Everyday one has to make a commitment to positive thinking. It is neither the win nor the loss that makes a person triumphant, only the feelings and perception one has regarding the self. Positive perception and self-affirmation is the first step to personal empowerment: I am good enough.

The next step is believing that one is lucky. Yes, lucky! The opposite perception of the victim. When one is lucky, even when one fails, he or she learns from failure or suffering to succeed in the future. When one is lucky he or she sees opportunities where other people do not even think to look. In some of my wellness workshops I have heard cancer survivors admit to the group, “I am lucky to have had cancer because now I know how to live and I really appreciate life!” A lucky person feels empowered and in control. When one believes in the self, he or she can banish self-doubts, persist in set goals, and clear the path for accomplishment.

There is a Zen story of a great general who was fighting a terrible battle where his troops were outnumbered ten to one. The soldiers were frightened convinced that they would lose because they were physically outnumbered. The general turned to his men and announced that he would flip his magic coin. If it fell on heads, they would fight. If it fell on tails, they would return home. The general tossed the coin in the air and it fell on heads. The men felt that destiny was on their side, fought valiantly and won. Afterwards, the second in command discussed the event with the general, delighted that fortune smiled on their little army. The general handed the coin over to him. The second in command saw that it was heads on both sides. Because the men believed in their luck, they were victorious.

In addition to positive belief and the elimination of negative self-talk, we need to live in balance. That means eating balanced meals, drinking plenty of water, and avoiding sugar, fat and processed foods. Also, we need to get seven or eight hours sleep to reset our biological clocks daily and regenerate cells. Most importantly we need to do some physical exercise every day to build up strength, stamina and focus. When we exercise, we are empowered people of substance. We will not feel trapped, paralyzed or allow ourselves to be abused because now we have strengthened our bones, muscles, heart and lungs. A sound mind needs a sound body. By living in balance physically and emotionally, we shed stress. An abused child often grows up to be a short-fused adult who experiences stress and irritability more easily than others. Exercise relieves stress by burning up stress hormones, releasing endorphins and oxygenating the brain to think more clearly. Exercise also returns one to the present moment and away from the past!

Lastly, after one eats balanced meals, gets his sleep and exercise, one can create inner peace through meditation. A simple five-minute meditation to music can help one get in touch with the still point. Through meditation one relaxes the heart, lowers blood pressure and restores loving feelings to the soul. Begin meditation by breathing deeply through the nose to your own rhythm. I recommend inhaling two counts, and exhaling four counts. That way you exhale more toxins. By focusing your attention on your breath, you redirect your mind to the present. When you close your eyes to meditate, you just watch your thoughts float by and do not judge them. Sometimes you will receive guidance through an image, a color, a word, or later in a dream. Some people like to meditate on a passage from the Bible or a literary work. So, before you begin to meditate, you might want to read a quote or affirmation and then think about it while you are breathing with your eyes closed.

Living in balance physically, emotionally and spiritually is the source of energy and joy. Be kind to yourself everyday and create personal time and space. If you are too busy, then get rid of some of your activities, prioritize. We have compassion for others, even our pets. Make sure that you have compassion for yourself.

Taking Responsibility for Our Own Lives
One of the worst attitudes is ‘Things happen to me’, not from me but to me; a degree of victim mentality. At any level we really need to accept the full responsibility for whatever happens to us.

Or we can take the responsibility to accept that what happened to us five minutes ago is no longer of any importance because that was five minutes ago and this is now. If we are holding onto the incident, we continue to hurt ourselves. What happens subsequently is important but not what happened in itself. Something happens, and it sets off a sequence of events. So let go of the bit that happened back there and deal with the bit in the sequence that is actually occurring now.

The important thing is not holding on to anything any longer than it actually lasts. In reality, all we need to do is experience the learning and move on immediately.

Learning from Experience
Sometimes we convince ourselves that we need to ‘hold on’ in order to extract the learning from it. If you are repeating big patterns, you can retain the memory in terms of what not to do next time, but not the emotional content it aroused in you. Thus you can get the maximum amount of learning but ultimately that’s still part of the letting go process. If it’s a traumatic experience that’s teaching you a lot, keep it as something to learn from, while letting go of your attachment to it, let go of it emotionally. That’s the basis of letting go of our beliefs and attitudes that anything happens to us, that we are a victim of anybody.

Making Choices
Life is a series of choices of how to behave. Often we make these choices automatically, without really being aware of what we are choosing or why. But no matter what anyone does in any aspect of their life, it is still a choice they have made. And, of course, in making choices we also make mistakes. It is from those mistakes that we learn about ourselves and others. And we learn how to make different choices next time if we remain open to the process of making mistakes. But one thing stops us learning from choices and that is fear. Fear of judgement and criticism, which is usually felt as shame or guilt.

So the second thing we have to let go of is all of our judgements and values and ideas of what should be or what shouldn’t be. We should have no values, no judgements, no morals, no criticisms, no ideas of what is or should or shouldn’t be. None at all. Because if we have an idea of what is or what should or shouldn’t be we are making a judgement on something that is as it is, as God or as the Universe intended. It is as it is, and it is perfect as it is for the people who are involved in that scenario. That applies to us in our lives, but because it is a principle it applies equally to the people in a war crisis, for instance. And that’s where the understanding becomes really difficult to accept. You may say, “Hold on, this is not right” but it is, it’s right for them, and I’ll go back to a previous point. The angrier everybody gets about a situation, the worse it gets. This is not at all pleasant or emotionally intelligent but judging won’t improve it either; it will make it worse. If everybody stops being angry about a situation it disappears; the war will not happen.

Keeping Neutral, Learning Acceptance
If we see something and make a judgement or a criticism about it we are adding our angry ‘energy’ to that situation. We are actually increasing it. If we collectively say, “What is happening in this war or that country now is terrible”, we are adding to the energy of that event; we are making it worse for the people in it. What we need to do is to stay completely neutral and know the highest truth i.e. what is happening there is as it should be for those people, however traumatic.

We’ve all been through equivalent experiences one way or another, so we’ve got to let go of the idea that it’s right or wrong; that’s just the way it is for those people. The most important point to make here is that making choices is not making a judgement. It is just saying, ‘choose not to behave in this way’. Eventually, if we allow everybody to learn without fear, then the mistakes stop being so terrible and the results stop being too damaging and dramatic on individuals and society. But it has to happen that way round – that we suspend the judgement before others stop doing whatever we originally judged. We cannot expect them to stop before we stop judging.

What we can do is make our own structure for the choices we would make but without saying we are right, and that is wrong. It is saying this is what we would do as far as we know at this moment. Period. Not that it’s right or wrong.

So what if we saw an old lady being mugged in the street? Should we just walk on?

No. If possible, and not to the detriment of your own safety, you can choose to intervene with the action but what you mustn’t do is add your judgement or criticism to it. You must not judge either party involved. That is the tricky bit. Saying ‘that’s not my choice of behaviour but I accept their right to do that – and I will intervene because that is my choice’. We have to accept the consequence of that choice, which might be that you get mugged.

People and Behaviour are not the Same
Something that gives a depth of understanding is to recognize that the action is not the person. You can say that action is not good, but the person is perfect, they are perfect in as far as they have got in their own learning about life. We cannot possibly see what the master plan for the Universe is, so if we start judging and criticizing we are saying we know better than God, the universe, energy or whatever, and we don’t. We have to let go of the assumption that we know.

The trouble with a little bit of enlightenment, a little bit of spiritual awareness, is that you suddenly get into a kind of spiritual judgementalism: ‘I know, and you lot all don’t’. It’s a very difficult ego state to get out of. Eventually you do get kicked out of it because you realize that you’re not that much different to them. You just realize a little bit more of what you’re learning next, you’re a bit more aware of it. It’s very important not to assume that we have some greater understanding.

All spiritual teachings include a section about not judging because to do so would be hypocritical. None of us has always got it right, or, should I say, made the best choices. But if we learn from it and don’t repeat it that is the most anyone can ask.

So we do have to separate the behaviour from the person and take that to the highest levels, such as a war crisis, which appears so horrendous. We can choose to keep our thoughts out of it and know that that situation will heal itself when everybody has learnt what they can.

Becoming More Emotionally Intelligent Helps the World Too
If we replace judgemental values with a sense of our self-worth, and how we wish to express that essence of us to the rest of the world, we choose to live in a way that helps to heal ourselves and other people. We accept it in a way that is unconditionally accepting of ourselves and of other people, so we drop our barriers in order to help heal the world. We help to heal everything in the rest of the world by dropping our sense of what is right or wrong. There is a fine line between making a decision about how to behave and making a criticism or judgement of behaviour in others. Once you can see where it is, you can stay on the one side of it. Just consider for a moment how differently you respond if you feel critically judged compared with being accepted as you are. That applies to the whole universe too.

Fixed Ideas of What Will Be
The next thing is expectations of outcome: if I do this, then that will happen. Our disappointment is always based on what we think should have happened or what we hoped would happen or what we thought the other person should do. It is never based on what has actually happened, it is based on our disappointment that what we wanted didn’t occur. So we want to control the universe, thinking we know better than God etc. again. If we decide what we think should happen is right we are getting back into judgements. But God is neutral. It doesn’t say, “You are bad because you made that mistake today and you are good because you did that”. God acknowledges: “You are learning, you are going in the right direction and doing the best that you can do at any time” and that’s what we need to start working from.

My understanding is that God is the supreme intelligence but is also an evolving consciousness, and as our consciousness evolves we contribute to the evolution of God-consciousness. We are all God, or spirit, having a human experience and when we raise our consciousness individually we are also, in a collective way, raising God-consciousness, because we are all God anyway. That is the point of creativity; that is the point of intelligence. Evolution occurs as a result of intelligence, not the other way round. So if God-consciousness is the ultimate intelligence that lets go without judgement, then we have got to emulate that by letting go without any judgement or questioning about anyone else.

God lets us go where we want, to expand our consciousness, including making some stupid mistakes and making some wonderful discoveries in human terms. If we are allowed to do that, so then is everyone else.

Interconnectedness and the Oneness
Why is it important for us to raise our consciousness and let go of our beliefs in order to help everyone else comes back to the connectedness of everything in the universe?

Some people want to move and grow faster and others grow more slowly. All travel. Some are trying to slow the others down and some are trying to speed the others up, but whatever each one does affects the others next to it. We are all units of vibrating energy, according to quantum physics. So our emotional energy will affect the people around us. Miserable people are a drain on us; we call them a drag, and they are dragging our energy down. We want to vibrate more lightly, more harmoniously, and they are slowing us down. By lifting our vibrations through our self-development, and releasing our sense of judgements, criticism and control, we are actually allowing everybody else around us to speed up as well. So ultimately we have one responsibility and that is to raise our consciousness sufficiently to help raise the other ones around us. So we have to choose to let go of the illusions of what was or what will be, of right or wrong, and to increase our vibrations. And then we automatically raise the vibrations of those around us.

The final belief that we need to let go of is that our individual humanhood really matters. Everything will be as it is. It doesn’t matter how it is because however it is and wherever it is going it will get there because it can’t not. Probably where it’s going doesn’t matter because there isn’t a decision about where it’s going to go. There is no limit to where it’s going to go. If you decide it’s going to go from ‘here’ to ‘there’ you are immediately placing a limit on where it can go to, but it doesn’t matter where it’s going. So we have to let go of the idea that humanhood really matters. We are in it and it is part of our experience and we do have to live with our feet in both human and spiritual worlds but we have got to let go of the idea that this matters.

Changing One’s Perceptions
One of the best ways to deal with this is to think, ‘will I feel this stressed about this situation tomorrow, or next week, or next year or in five years’ time?’, and the answer is usually no, not if you let it go. If you go straight to that feeling of detachment and let go of ‘what I am feeling now’, it becomes much more comfortable. 

Try using these statements in your life:
I can’t control what is happening in the world;
I can say loud and clear that I want this or that to happen;
I can accept that if it doesn’t, there is some good reason for it though I can’t see what that might be;
I’m not God and I don’t know what that good reason is now, but if I remain open then I will find it;
I have to let go of what I think it should be and I will find it is far better.

So we’ve got to get away from what we think things ought to be and get to our free will. Our free will is our choice and we are affected by the wisdom of our choices. We are not right or wrong in the choices we make. It may not even be the same choice for the next day. You might make a different choice, but for that moment in time it is right and that is the same for everybody. We have to let go of a sense of being right or wrong and allow things to be as they are, to accept the process of change in ourselves and others and give each other the freedom to change and learn without judgement. We have to let go of our thoughts and learn to listen and wait. We have to let go of our expectations and let things and people be as they are and we have to let go of the need to do and simply allow ourselves to grow and change daily.

What are the Real Benefits to Me of This Approach to Life?
So what is the point of it all? This is easier.
If we learn to let go we acquire a greater sense of being in the present. A greater sense that our needs actually are being met, because at any given moment they are, so don’t worry about what’s going to happen tomorrow because today everything is fine.
If we let go of expectations and judgements, we find a sense of calm and inner peace, because we are not in conflict with what we think should be. We also have a far greater sense of strength, and respond to the moment instead of the past. Our vulnerability is never in the moment; it’s in what we fear will be. Have you ever noticed that you are usually frightened after or in anticipation of what will happen but very rarely in the moment? So we get a sense of our strength because we are right in the here and now. We lose our vulnerability which is based on what if, not on the here and now.
We have greater acceptance of others and therefore we make a greater contribution to raising their awareness, a greater sense of truly going with the flow.
We gain a sense of fun and freedom in all we do. How often do we go out and dig a hole in the garden and then fill it in again just for fun? Adults don’t often do that, kids do and really enjoy it but adults don’t really do that kind of stuff, they want to be sensible. But that is what being is, digging holes and filling them in again, just for the fun of it.

So start thinking about what you’re doing and have fun with it. It’s a weird sense of just letting go and not having a reason for doing something. Do it because you really just want to. Have you seen how much energy people put into building a sandcastle, just to watch the sea wash it away? And you may think what a waste of time, but it’s not, it’s a wonderful thing, you’re in the moment, you’re there and you just did it for the hell of it. Live all of your life as if it was building a sandcastle. There can be no better reason for doing something other than you’re enjoying it.

Actually it’s the best reason for doing something. Enjoying something is our choice.

Becoming fully immersed in what you’re doing, called mindfulness in Buddhism, is a very good way of letting go, letting go of all the other stuff around you, so that all your concentration is based on what you’re doing. You’re not making judgements; you’re not having expectations of outcome. The key thing is that the more we let go of these attributes of victimhood and judgement, the more we move into our true nature. Living without judgement means living in a state of being.

Being reveals our true identity and oneness with creation. It allows us to release concepts of who we are and allow the spiritual identity to emerge. Being places us beyond the world’s effects and allows us to live at a different level of consciousness. It allows us to have without fear of loss, without needing to control and judge, to live and be truly free.

So begin to let all your life become one big let-go experience and then see what happens next. Allow each day to unfold for you not as you would choose but to reveal to you your true nature. That is the true meaning of intelligence.

Please Visit the Free Mp3 Audio links below for Spiritual talks.

ADDICTION; in the belly of a Big Fish - Episode 108. The scientists tell us for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. In our relationship with God for every action there is also a consequence. See how Jonah's life parallels ours when we go contrary to God's will.

The meaning and purpose of God's Word - Segment Eight "The Importance of Brokenness". "Except the grain of wheat falling into the ground die, it abides alone; but if it die, it bears much fruit" (John 12:24) Life is within the grain of wheat. But there is a shell, a very hard shell on the outside. As long as the shell is not split open, the wheat cannot grow.
The question here is not whether life exists inside the shell, but whether the shell on the outside is cracked open.

JACOB; he who wrestled with God - Episode 1022. Instead of sitting down and trying to work things out with his brother, Jacob responded to conflict in what has become an all too familiar response in contemporary families, he hit the road. He said "I'm out of here. I'm going somewhere else to make a fresh start and leave my problems behind."
There is only one problem with Jacob's plan: no matter where you go, you take yourself. And a big part of self is....................

Why does God allow Trials in our Lives - Episode 1105.
Why does God allow trials in our Lives? (John 12:24-25)
Truly, truly, I say to you, Unless the grain of wheat that falls to the earth dies, it remains alone: But if it dies, it bears much fruit. There are two things you can do when trials, tests or tribulation comes your way.

The Message of Isaiah the Prophet - Episode 1029.
Isaiah preached for over a period of about 40 years and his message covers just about every theme and doctrine of the Bible. Let us consider six of the Great Statements made in the book of Isaiah and their application to us Today.

Inspiration & Meditation Series - "for the rest of my Life"
offers a plethora of data for the soul in it’s infinite journey. It’s soliloquy is a sublime meditative series of affirmations & thoughts , rooted in eternity. This tree has many branches & multi-colored leaves all flowing in the stream of light , energy & the power of love. Whether one be a follower of the various faiths of this world or other worlds , the design of D.G.C.’s work is enthralling. Take a moment & let the power of this work draw you into a new reality.

The key to Personal Development is self-knowledge. The Free Personality Profile is often our starting point for Coaching and Mentoring. 

If you are exploring what truly motivates you, the Free Personal Potential Assessment will help you identify your natural motivations, interests and talents for work.

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For continued Education please view our Top 50 of the Greatest Self Help, Success, Spiritual and Personal Transformation eBooks ever written. Where you will also find another Free Personal Development eBook.

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Your FREE eBook just for Visiting, "The Reality of the Unseen." by William James. It posits that individual religious experiences, rather than the tenets of organized religions, form the backbone of religious life--studded with richly concrete examples--documents and discusses various states on consciousness. James was the first to define Spirituality as "the feelings, acts, and experiences of individual men in their solitude."

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